My personal blog with thoughts, lyrics, pictures, etc. Everything that you read here is written by myself unless otherwise noted.
By Tom Camp and David Lamm
She could have dark hair
For all I know
She smells of sweet perfume
She could be right here
She might’ve passed me by
I don’t know
I’m so confused
She’s my reason
That I’m leaving
My past behind
In search for better meaning
I’ll be fine
No, I don’t want to wait no more
I just want to feel it
See you walk through that door
I can’t shake this
This chance I need take it
I just want to break this
Don’t want to hurt no more
But it’s killing me to see
Everyone’s got somebody but me
Another line to find a girl to pass the time
What’s it take to get me through
The sun’s the only thing I find that feels familiar
I don’t know
I feel so used
I need to be honest with myself. I have fallen out of alignment with my purpose and have grown complacent in happiness. Over a year ago I always stood by the idea that the universe, a creator, or a force of some sort gives you a gift from the world and that it is your responsibility to give that gift back into the world fully. I have not been doing this fully. I have grown complacent in the fact that I live where I want to live, I do whatever I want to do, and I love who I dreamed of loving. This can equal fulfillment for most people, and though I am fulfilled for the most part, there is still something missing. I have to work towards achieving goals outside of this. I dreamt of freedom for years once I learned what the industrialized American system was really built on… I achieved at least a temporary freedom from that paving the way for my future. It wasn’t always easy cutting back on things and adjusting from a lifestyle that was contingent on my financial prosperity, but I did it. I didn’t do it perfectly but I managed to live a few years of my life without dreading Mondays, living for the weekend, or working a “job” for three years. Through that, it was easy to not commit myself fully to the things I love. I am put on this earth for two reasons; to make music and make people laugh. My purpose is clear in that as those are my gifts to give. In years to come my purpose may be to raise children to the best of my ability to see through their purpose and to be a loving husband.
However, this is not my purpose or my gift for today. Today I need to work towards what I need to secure my freedom and give my gifts to the world. That may contain doing something I hate to save money to secure a house so I can continue doing the things I love. I’m not a firm believer in money but I believe in happiness and in this system, you have to cut a few corners in the system to get what you need. Fuck the American dream… This dream belongs to me
"I ask for forgiveness, the ability to forgive, prosperity, success, and inner peace. I do not beg for this I only ask for the strength and opportunity to achieve it."
I am very unaware if I am where I am supposed to be, but very confident that I am on the path of who I am supposed to be.
We are someone that constantly seeks out understanding of all things. Understanding of a God, understanding of relationships, understanding of the world. It is not our job to understand all of these things, only to understand that we need to seek inner peace. We need to seek purpose. We need to find self fulfillment.
I don’t feel safe or secure
In much of anything anymore
We’re so consumed
When there’s something so much bigger
In this room
Ignorance is bliss
In a cage
Held under water
Yet we don’t gasp for air
To the American Dream
So it seems
I want to swim
Identity is a hell of a thing to figure out. So many people consistently change. Some of us retain the majority of what we stand for at the core consistently developing ourselves while others completely change every single piece of themselves. These people are always the ones that seem to be the most happy when in truth, they are almost always the ones that are the most unsure about themselves.
Maybe this makes me a bit of a music snob but I hate when I see people on the boards asking what sample packs they should get to make beats like drake or some other DJing style. They say things like “I’m a composer looking to make better beats.” I just crawl out of my skin and want to yell “buy a fucking instrument!”
We live in the most pretentious self-absorbed time period in history. What is going to happen when these people realize that we all age to a point where you’re not worth taking a selfie of, showing off your stomach tagging things like #fitlife #progress and to stop soaking themselves in reality tv, tabloids, and news stations keeping their brains at a constant judgment. But who am I to judge these idiots. See what I did there?
Only four hours sleep. Was miserable about it all morning dreading getting up. Then the damn cat just made me laugh for fifteen minutes straight. Silliest damn cat in the world.
I will never claim to understand this… But I do accept it… We are all connected. I just hope to never forget it.
I believe that human beings are constantly at war with themselves and their consciousness. It is rare that I meet people who are enlightened, aware, and capable of self thought (not just regurgitated instruction). Things like politics, religion, race, sex, revenge, sports, entertainment all keep us at bay from achieving great things together. I am not saying that I do not indulge in some of these things in life, but I try not to allow it to consume it. So many people waste their lives taking instruction from others, from their television sets, from their entertainment… instruction on where to work, who to date, what they need to do to find a soul mate, what the world issues are… instructions on what to be prideful in, why you need patriotism (and other forms of nationalism), how to help wars with cause, what to eat, what sins to indulge in, what to wear, what to drive… instruction on how to live.
Let that sink in for a second… we are given instruction on how to live. Every single day this baby of a culture instructs us on how to lead our lives as if he has it all figured out. On the grand scale of life, this culture is a spec on a timeline and certainly has its flaws.
During these times we have discovered incredible marvels. We’ve built skyscrapers, explored space, open the means of communication across the globe, cured and created disease, etc. Yet, we still challenge the idea of what we are capable of. We still lack the confidence as a species to achieve anything. We still exercise powerlessness because of our conscious division from each other.
We still stand so far divided between ideas like creationism vs. evolution, black vs. white, religion vs. atheism, capitalism vs. communism, and democrat vs. republican. These ideological divisions inhibit us from opening our mind beyond who and what we are capable of.
Our culture is still very young. I will say it again, our culture is still very young. We are still divided among religions on which religion is pure. The answer is that none of them are. Not a single religion on the planet is pure. Stained history pages while they grew as we did as species. We still live in a society that teaches peaceful teachings of Jesus, go to worship in a 5 million dollar mega church, while fighting the idea of aiding other countries and classes, voting to go to war, and passing a homeless man on the street in judgment. This is only one example of a religious stereotype.
On top of that, religion has spiraled so far out of control that the world has seen a surge in atheism. How can one believe in a God when our culture operates so poorly under one’s name? Religion has come to parallel weakness in our lives. I have always been able to associate 90% of the religious people I knew as weak minded. That is because religion has always had very skewed ideas.
Ideas like a baby being a gift from God (even if it was the result of something negative), when someone dies they say “it was just their time,” people constantly say things like “it is in God’s plan” or “He know when you’re going to be born and when you’re going to leave.” And my favorite is the belief in this child like reward system of a Heaven vs. a Hell.
These statements and beliefs are crutches for the weak. If you TRULY believe in God’s plan for your life and your fate, I challenge you to take a loaded gun to your head right this second and pull the trigger. If you are right, and it is not your time then the gun will fail. But you will not do this because even as a religious person you have enough sense to know that that will not happen. To expect a gun to fail because something is in God’s hands is to account something to probability, not fate. And you are not willing to do that.
God knows when you are going to be born and when you are going to die. Well then what the hell is the point then? If the plan is already there in place why even put you on the Earth in the first place? Entertainment? Again, this is bullshit.
Then we have the reward system of Heaven vs. Hell for following a set of rules. How about the hypocrisy that the majority of religious people practice in this culture. So right there on the commandments is “thou shalt not commit adultery” yet you’re signed up with Ashley Madison, “thou shalt not kill,” yet you vote to go to war to “defend freedom,” and “thou shalt not steal,” yet there you are working in business every single day. Pretty hypocritical bunch these people are.
So here is where I stand, I do not know these answers. I know what I know based on my life and my thoughts. Here is what I believe, I do believe in a creator and a God. I do not believe that it is anything that resembles even close to an age old book that depicts things during times where slavery was still legal. But I do believe.
Fate is yours to create. You are a living being. You are capable of connecting with the planet, the sun, and the universe. You are the God. The creator is not about relinquishing control of your life and trusting it in his hands, it is about taking control of your life and exercising your FREE WILL to become something great. When you disconnect from the bent information you are fed, when you see the world for what it is, when you study the history, when you realize love, when you feel that connection between your mind and earth, you cannot help but believe that there is something more powerful there.
Science, the law of attraction, the universe, and you were created by a creator. The name Jesus, Muhammad, Buddah, etc. mean nothing to what the creator really is. These are figureheads. There is no reward for picking the right religion, becoming a martyr, or spreading the word of God. There is no reward for relinquishing control of your life and trusting in God. That is weakness. Instead realize the greatest gift that you were given by a creator; life. Realize that you have control. He does not schedule your death or your creation but instead gave you a beautiful place where human beings have the ability to create and destroy freely. You are the extension of the universe, you are all powerful, and you are able to achieve.
Today I am grateful to have my clients. From the advanced to the beginners I enjoy working with all of them. I love the feeling of giving someone a product that they would have never expected. Sometimes the music is bad, but I understand that that is part of the journey of growing as an artist so I don’t mind helping along the way. You absolutely must write bad songs before you do anything worth doing.
Today I’m grateful for my new kitty cat! This cat is so damn cute I’m pretty sure that it’s a result of rainbows fucking.
I’m grateful for music! ‘Nuff said.